I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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