He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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