I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
