after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
