the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
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My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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