That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
