I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
