Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
