He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
