fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Less talking, more tequila
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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