I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
