alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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