They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
