is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Houston, we have a blender
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
