I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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