where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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