Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
