I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
