Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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