umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
