Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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