So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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