Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
