nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
