my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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