Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
high people should be assigned attendants
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
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I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
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So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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