I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
