i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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