tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
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