he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
