Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
