Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
ttyl tear gas
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
