I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
