and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Let's paint friendship bongs
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
