We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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