I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
