I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom