I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off