You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!