he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
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You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.