The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password