The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".