four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
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I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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