seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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