After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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