Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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