ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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