So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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