wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
