she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
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When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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