UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
