Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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