I'm eating all of the evidence.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
