I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i now understand why vodka
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
