Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
