You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
