How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize