end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
