i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
