I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
