this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
