He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
