I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
