i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Are these your boobs on my camera?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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